School Nurse / Secretary - Roxy is a young, bubbly, and perky airhead, oblivious to the evil going on at the school. She just thinks that everyone treats her nicely. Roxy has had a crush on Major Midas ever since she was a little girl; she flirts with him whenever he drops his son, Ascot, off at school each morning. Sometimes Major Midas' wife catches him reciprocating Roxy's affections, leading to uncomfortable and constant tension between the three of them at PTA meetings. Francis Farfeld, the school's principal, is in love with Roxy but can never seem to muster the courage to ask her out, especially when he sees all of the Major Midas merchandise piled up on her desk. Rather, he avoids her by locking himself in his office, leaving her to sit at her desk and look pretty. Roxy spends her spare time trying to get her personal pleasure product line, 'Rhode to Romance', off the ground.